Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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