so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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