i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I met the friendliest cop last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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