I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
