Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Your dad touched me again.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
