It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
