It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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