Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Come see our sink grown plant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
