you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
