I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
