Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
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phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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