Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
