Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
