just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
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He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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