They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
