Need sex. Gaining weight.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
