When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
