the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
