The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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