So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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