i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
