I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
