I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
