The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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