Already got asked if we're dating
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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