This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
