And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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