I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if only i could text you this smell
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
