Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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