He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
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