Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
