Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
