The maid of honor just puked.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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