thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
