Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
