I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
