I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
