i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
