Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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