My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
