i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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