the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm like, not good at living.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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