First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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