just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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