I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
