Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
