I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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