I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
