I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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