After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
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A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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