Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
