He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
