I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
