Sponge bath it is.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
