You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
