I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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