I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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