I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
