I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
