I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
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Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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