I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
