You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
