it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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