Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
