Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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