you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
