Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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