so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
