I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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