If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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