conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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