Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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