what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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