If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
