Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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