Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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