Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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