I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Randomize
