Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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